Hurt to Hope - Post-Divorce Adjustment Program

July 2005

This program helps children between the ages of 8 and 11 years adjust to their parents' separation / divorce. Children of 7 years and older struggle to keep up during the program because they do not have as developed writing skills as the other children, and children over 11 years are entering their pre-adolescent phase when they have different divorce-related issues to deal with.
Any child who is of the suitable age whose parents are separated or divorced will benefit from the group program. It does not matter whether parents have just separated or have been divorced for several years already. Many researchers have found that it is at the onset of separation that children need to start dealing with divorce-related issues. The group format is such that children whose parents have just separated are encouraged by children who have been in this life-situation longer than they have, and life to a certain extent has stablized and feelings are less intense; however children in the group whose parents have been divorced for several years get to deal with unresolved issues that are being raised by the children whose parents have been newly separated / divorced.
Children in this life situation have psychological tasks to deal with over and above their normal developmental tasks at a time when other family members, especially parents, are dealing with their own emotional issues and are less available. These psychological tasks include conflicts of loyalties, adjusting to two separate parent environments, etc.
The program in essence has 3 parts. The first part deals with children's divorce-related feelings. Once children can identify what it is they are feeling they are more able to verbalize the issues they are dealing with. The second part of the program is helping children learn problem-solving skills to deal with these issues, and to disengage from problems they can't solve (adult problems like finances, bringing parents back together again, deciding whether and if parents should date, etc.) and re-engaging in children problems (who they would like to play with, how to deal with difficult situations in the play ground, what activities they enjoy participating in, etc.) The third part of the program helps children learn anger-control skills - how to express their anger (instead of keeping it inside and becoming depressed or explosive) in a way that does not destroy relationships or possessions. In the final part of the program children are given hope for the future that even though their family structure has changed they can still experience love, trust, honesty, fun, etc. that happen in other family structures.
Parents are requested to attend a pre-program meeting which is a supportive and educative environment for themselves, and can opt for mid-, and end-of-program, meetings where they come to understand some of the skills the children are learning so they can encourage their ongoing use at home.
The program will hopefully commence as soon as possible. There is a pre-program assessment with both parents (not usually together) and the child to be entered into the group which costs R310 per assessment. Thereafter each consecutive group session costs R100 for a period of 13 weeks.